The best gift you can give - by Candelaria Silva-Collins

The best gift you can give to your children is the gift of your time.  For children, time equals love.  It might seem that because we live with our children we are already giving them our time.  I’m not talking about proximity; I’m talking about focused, one-on-one attention.

How about carving out a time to:

·         Take a walk with your son?

·         Play a game with your daughter?

·         Create a story album from the photos at the last family dinner or vacation?

·         Make oatmeal or chocolate chip or another cookie you like from scratch?

It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, even a half-an hour will do.  It does need to happen regularly.  A friend of mine is from a family of 8.  Her mother used to have once-a-month “date” when each child would come to her room and have tea with her for half an hour with no interruptions.  The door was closed.  My friend said that they looked forward to those Mommy dates.

The blitz of advertisements encouraging us to buy-buy-buy stuff for our children for Christmas can obscure the best gift we can give them – the gift of our time and affection. 

Parent411 encourages you to take out your calendar for 2011 and block out some time for one-on-one time with your child or children.  It’s the best gift you can give them or yourself.

Happy Holidays!

Just Enough is Plenty

Especially during the holiday season, it is tempting to go all out and dazzle our children with gifts, many of them unnecessary and quickly abandoned.  For many children, these gifts just add to toy boxes, bookcases, closets and dressers brimming with stuff.

Why do we do it?  Many of us buy gifts for the pleasure it gives us and our children – no matter how momentary.  We also give to uphold family tradition.  Others of us give because we didn’t have much when we were growing up and want to make sure our children don’t feel a sense of lack.  All of us are influenced by the media that constantly pushes commercials for things to buy our children and images of children’s rooms chockfull of stuff!

Most of our children already have enough, more than enough.  At Parent-411, we believe that “just enough is plenty.”

This was brought home to us recently by an anecdote a mom shared in a workshop.  She shared the fact that having recently moved, most of her children’s toys were packed away and inaccessible.  She only managed to open one box of their playthings and quickly noticed that they were playing joyfully with the few toys they had and were having fewer fights because there was less for them to fight over. 

Even though the kids had only a fraction of their usual things to play with, they were quite content with no notion of deprivation.  The mother said she was quite tempted to keep their other things packed up.

One of the things we recommend, especially during the holidays, is to teach children the importance of giving to others and giving back.  One way to do this is by having children give their excess books, toys and clothes (in good repair) to a local shelter or shop like Morgan Memorial. 

This helps them understand that they are privileged to have more than enough of the things they need and many of the things they want.  It is important to help children learn the difference between wants and needs.

Use the holidays to teach children that they have enough and just enough is plenty!

(We recommend booking or attending our Parent411 workshop on this topic - Just Enough is Plenty.)

Mealtime Happiness

Mealtime Happiness

At Parent411 we believe that mealtime, particularly dinner time should be a time of celebration and reconnection for the family after a day of work, daycare/school, etc.  Achieving a sense of celebration at  the evening meal is elusive for many families.

Mealtime happiness can be achieved for parents of small children.  Children can be trained or retrained to eat without a lot of drama at the table.  It helps to remember that mealtime is really about nourishment.  The following steps should simplify your mealtime routine.

Step 1 – Tell the child your expectation for mealtime.  “I expect us all to sit and the table and enjoy a good meal together.”  (You may give more detail, i.e., “We will sit together for 15 minutes.  There will be no use of technology during dinner.”)

Step 2 – Put healthy food on the table. (You decide the menu based on time, food availability, likes, dislikes and allergies.  It’s okay to serve the same foods over and over.)

Step 3 - Forget about it.  Enjoy the meal with conversation sometimes and quiet time at other times.

Step 4 – Thank you to the cook.

Step 5 - Clearing the table – everyone helps.

Sometimes we worry

• That our child isn’t eating enough. Don’t worry; your young child won’t starve him or herself.  If a child has a sudden loss of appetite, it could be that they are getting sick, so check for that.  It’s also important to make sure children stay hydrated, so establishing a policy of no soda, very limited juice and plentiful water is important.
• That our child doesn’t eat enough variety.  While some children hate trying new things or fixate on one food for periods of time, other children appreciate variety and like veggies.  There are a number of cookbooks* out on the market that show how to serve veggies in ways children will like, including hiding them in food they do like.

Mealtimes are a great time for conversation, checking in with each other, and connecting as a family.  You can share jokes, something funny that happened during the day, something you learned during the day, etc.  As children get older, you may even want to have a once-a-week silent meal with only music playing in the background.

Mealtimes are important family times.  Mealtime happiness, yes indeed it can be achieved.

Candelaria Silva-Collins

Related reading:

*Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food by Jessica Seinfeld